*As always this will be full of rambling, repetition and incomprehensible sentences because I am really bad at making sense of my thoughts and feelings.*
I’m fed up of waiting.
Waiting to leave school, waiting to start college, waiting until I can drive, waiting until I can move out, waiting for my life to ‘really’ begin, waiting for my ‘dream job’, waiting for ‘the one’.
It’s even gotten to the point where I’m literally waiting for my own tragic yet imminent death.
All I seem to do is wait and wish away my life. I’m waiting for things I know full well won’t happen and I’m fucking sick of it.
I’m waiting for people who I know aren’t waiting for me. And it hurts. It makes me feel like I’m the only one who gives a shit anymore. I’m playing the usual waiting game: I’m just floating about while everybody else knows what they want and when they want it.
They say ‘good things come to those who wait‘ but I’m waiting for things that don’t happen to people who just sit and wait. I feel like I’m trapped in a vicious cycle of waiting then being disappointed when things don’t turn out how I want them – even if I’ve done nothing to try and change the outcome… I’ve just sat there and watched from a distance.
I’m bored of waiting but it’s something that I’ve always done; I’m not sure how to not do it which confuses me so much. I feel as though I have to carry on waiting but at the same time I find it so draining that I know I need to stop.
The more I’ve written, the more I’ve realised that writing this has taken too much time out of my day so now I must return to what I was doing beforehand. That’s right… I was waiting for shit that won’t happen.