*This was written at 6:07am. I was sat freezing to death in a train station. I genuinely think the cold got to my brain and kick started my motivation and creativity because here I am. The following is full of cringey/confused/tired thoughts as well as a lot of rambling but I hope it gives my friends that little lift that they may just need right now or even in the future.*
I just had sort of a revelation: I feel as if I don’t give my friends enough credit.
In the past year or so, I’ve changed. I am not a little girl any more but I am yet to become a ‘fully fledged’ woman. I have become a much stronger person because of my lovely little support network with me*. I have moved mountains that I used to struggle to climb. I’ve had some pretty awful experiences but they were counteracted by the happy ones made by my friends. I truly have come a long way but I would not have been able to do it without the help of my friends. I used to believe that the more friends you have, the happier you’ll be but the burning of many bridges between me and my – now ex – friends made me realise that this isn’t always the case. Friendships end for a reason, whether the reason and/or outcome is good or bad, life goes on.
Some may have left but others still remain. People change, things change, plans change but moments don’t. I don’t know how to put it a comprehensible sentence so in the wonderful words of Stephen Chbosky: There are people who forget what it’s like to be sixteen when they turn seventeen. We know these will all be stories someday and our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories…
In the past year or so, I’ve made so many friends. We’ve met through some pretty peculiar of ways.
Sometimes, when it’s a little too late for my brain to be doing brain stuff, I’ll feel unbelievably alone so I’ll begin to flick through my Twitter feed and see that – sometimes – my friends feel the exact same way. Knowing that the people I care about most in this world feel similarly is incredibly comforting. Knowing they might have been in the same situation as me makes me feel included in the weirdest way.
In the past year or so, I’ve lost many friends. We parted with each other in the strangest and sudden ways.
Some of them left me when I needed them more than anything. Some left without a word. Some told me they’d be there until the end of the line but we all now know how that one has turned out. I – probably – used to rely on them (maybe a bit more than I should’ve) but that is no longer the case.
I am so grateful for each little molecule and every tiny cell that has kept you alive to read this odd ramble until the very end. I’d like to thank you, my friend, so much for unintentionally rubbing off on me and making me a little less cynical and cold hearted – most of the time…
To the construction and demolition of the friendships to come.
To the memories made and ones to come.
To real friends to the real end.
Jokes. I am not Kanye.
Dedicated to C.M, L.D, M.S, I.S, T.P, M.H, L.A, E.V, L.B, M.L, C.O and E.S.
♥The best friends a person could ask for♥
*I was going to put behind me but if anything my friends are ahead of me so I settled for somewhere in the middle…